Want to Grow as a Leader? Start by Naming the Traits That Actually Matter to You
Stop looking outward for the "right" way to lead and start uncovering the values that already make you effective.
If you Google “how to be a better leader” right now, you will be drowned in lists.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective CEOs. The Morning Routines of Billionaires. How to Dominate the Boardroom.
The advice usually centers on more. Do more. Speak louder. Optimize your schedule. If you aren’t careful, leadership development can quickly feel like you’re just trying to squeeze yourself into a costume that doesn’t quite fit. You end up performing leadership rather than actually leading.
And the exhaustion you feel? That’s usually the friction between who you are and who you think you’re supposed to be.
But here is the truth we often forget: You cannot grow into a leader you haven’t defined yet.
Before you sign up for another seminar or download another productivity app, I want to invite you to do something much quieter. I want you to stop looking at the “experts” and start looking at what actually matters to you.
The Mirror of Admiration
One of the quickest ways to bypass the generic “shoulds” of the corporate world is to look at the people who have actually moved you.
Think about the leaders you have admired in your life.
They might not be famous. Maybe it was a high school teacher who made you feel seen. Maybe it was a manager who stayed calm when the project was on fire. Maybe it’s a community organizer who listens more than they speak.
When you think of them, what specific words come to mind?
Are they decisive? Grounded? Curious? Transparent?
Write those words down.
These Aren’t Just Adjectives. They Are Values.
When we name the traits we admire in others, we are actually uncovering the values we want to embody ourselves. We are drawing a map of our own potential.
If you admire a leader for their empathy, it’s likely because connection is a core value for you. If you admire a leader for their clarity, it’s likely because you value honesty over comfort.
Suddenly, leadership isn’t about fitting a generic mold. It’s about closing the gap between the values you hold and the way you show up on Tuesday morning at 9:00 AM.
The Growth is in the Gap
Once you have your list of traits, look at it honestly.
Which of these do you already do well? (Give yourself credit here).
Which of these feel harder for you right now?
Maybe you value transparency, but you find yourself hoarding information because you’re afraid of losing control. Maybe you value calm, but you’re constantly reacting to urgency.
That gap isn’t a failure. It’s your curriculum.
That is where the real work happens. Not in checking boxes, but in the slow, messy, human practice of trying to align your actions with your values.
A Tool for Your Season of Growth
If you are ready to do this work—to sit with these questions and actually map out what your unique version of leadership looks like—I created a resource to hold that space for you.
It’s a free workbook called Leadership Growth Areas, and it walks you through this exact process. It helps you name your values, visualize your current capacity using a “Leadership Wheel,” and find a path forward that feels sustainable.
You don’t need to change who you are to be a great leader. You just need to be clear about who you are growing into.